It's like God shit irony all over that family
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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