The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Randomize
