why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
