so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
