so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
