Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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