omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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