All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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