We won't sleep together?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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