That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
