Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
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