I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
