They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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