i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
