Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
