I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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