i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
