he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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