R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
