im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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