you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
