I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
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