hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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