I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
