Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
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