bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
