I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Randomize
