His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
