these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
