she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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