Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
