I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Randomize
