k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
