it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
