My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Do you remember whose house we're in?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
