It was confusing and full of hummus
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
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