Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
