.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
