these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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