i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
worst night to have a conscience
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
