im drinking this country out of the recession.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Randomize
