so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
