I want to have your abortion
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
