Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
