Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
