he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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