dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
