Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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