hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
