Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
