:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
My ass is underappreciated
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
