I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
